THE
LORD'S POET
MY
PERSONAL TESTIMONY
I
was once asked to answer the question "What has God done for you?" At the
same time I was given a three to five minute time limit. What follows
is my brief answer to a question to which volumes could have been written.
I
have been able to overcome (and truly forgive those responsible for) a
childhood that included:
-
a
father who abandoned me
-
a
step-father who made many attempts to rape me
-
rootlessness
caused by several moves between the ages of 4 and 10
-
family
members who teased me for the stand I took (I became a Christian at the
age of seven)
All of which left me with no self-esteem, no self-confidence and a first
suicide attempt at the age of seventeen.
I have also been able to overcome adulthood difficulties including:
-
a
husband who was verbally abusive and demanded my subservience in all matters
-
a
divorce that left me with little contact with my son from 1985 to 2001 (contact
being limited to five or six phone calls)
-
continued
rootlessness caused by another twenty-one moves between the ages of twenty and forty-five
-
severe
depression leading to many more suicide attempts
-
addiction to alcohol
None of which helped my lack of self-esteem and self-confidence.
In overcoming all this there has been healing of the depression and alcoholism.
Through all of this I have found a peace that truly surpasses human understanding:
a peace in the face of income that was much less than I needed to meet
my budget; a peace that says all will be okay even when everything falls apart; a peace that says I am of infinite worth to God
and loved by many and able "to do all things through Christ who strengthens
me." A peace that held even when I lost the home I had dreamed of owning
since I was seventeen. This peace has also carried me through several recent difficult situations,
situations that make everything that was a part of my life previously seem like a piece
of cake in comparison. And though I don't always feel that peace, it is
there when I am finally able to see past the situation to the knowledge
that even if the situation doesn't make sense, God is still in control.
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